Yesterday was not a good day.  I did fine all day, but I made stew for dinner and I wound up eating about a cup and half of the tomatoe juice off the soup with 4 crackers.  I also ate donuts during the night, but I did not eat them all at one time.  I ate the 4 in the pack over the course of the night, so hopefully it won't show up on my hips.  I weighed myself this morning and I'm still stuck at 120 lbs, but I'm gonna have to start exercising today.  My stomach has stopped feeling so hungry and just kinda hurts now, but I'm hopeful.  Tomorrow will be a bad day since I have to take lunch to my husband, but I think I may eat a small something before I go so I won't be tempted to eat the junk food.  I noticed last night that even with the little bit that I ate that it made my stomach hurt really bad, and I really wanted to go purge for like 2 hours after the fact, thinking it would make my stomach feel better.  It's getting harder and harder to purge around my husband since the bathroom doesn't lock and the house we live in is kinda small and sound travels like crazy.  But for now I got to go feed the kids.

Okay, so I totally bombed it on Friday.  I broke down and ate some gravy fries, half a butterscotch sundae and donuts in the middle of the night.  But I was good the rest of the weekend.  I ate like half a cup of burrito filling Saturday morning.  You know, with eggs and sausage and cheese.  That was all I had that day.  I did drink like 3 margiritas that night and got tore up.  Sunday I got away with eating only 1 small piece of fresh deer sausauge.  Today I ate another small piece of deer sausage, but I fear I may eat more.  I was able to sleep most of the weekend, but for the rest of the week I'll have to be up so it'll make not eating that much harder.  My head is hurting pretty bad already and I dread knowing that it will only get worse.  Here's to my fat ass and making it smaller.

Right now I'm feeling like a total failure.  I weighed myself this morning and I've lost 2 lbs according to it, but I know that a person's weight flunctuates 2 to 3 lbs during the day, so I haven't really lost anything.  I don't see how people go for days on end without eating.  I know that I should be able to, because I use to do it without thinking, was just too busy to eat.  Now food is all I obsess about, food, and how fat it's making me.  Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder how I let myself get this fat, why didn't my husband tell me I was getting fat?  He says he likes my tummy and that's all that should matter to me.  But it's not.  I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror.  I hate the way I have that ugly roll of fat that folds over the top of my jeans.  I hate that I have to wear oversized shirts to try to hide it.  I hate that I have my belly button pierced and I'm too ashamed of my body to wear super low rise jeans and a tiny shirt to show off my piercings and tattoo.  I hate that I'm too tired most of the time to get off my lazy ass and exercise.  And I hate that my husband keeps telling me that just starving myself won't make me lose weight.  It works for others, why not me?  So far, it's not.

The topic of this post will be some of my own personal favorite things to eat to keep your tummy from rumbling so much.  I try to find things that will trick your tummy into thinking it's getting something to eat, but that won't pack a whole bunch of calories to sabbatoge all my hard work.

Okay, I have learned that if you nibble off and on during the day, rather than actually sit down and consider it a meal, you will not get as hungry and you don't consume as much.  I prefer to nibble while doing something, like writing these posts, so it takes a good half hour to finish something and by that time my stomach thinks it's full and had food.

Chicken Broth:

those little bullion cubes?  Everybody who knows Ana knows those things are great little helpers.  You pop you one or two of those in a few cups of water and boil, add onion salt and celery salt with pepper to give it a bit of taste, and you have only consumed 5 to 10 calories even if you drink the whole pot.  I put mine in a mug and sip it like it were coffee.  

Fruits and Veggies:

Yes, eating these things raw will fill you up and won't pack a lot of calories, but it defeats the purpose.  The whole point behind being BFF with Ana is to learn to do withOUT food.  You will retrain your tummy to be full with only a few ounces of something in it.  It's kinda like having that gastrointestinal by-pass surgery without going under the knife.  With that surgery, they make the big tummy into a very small pouch that can only hold 2 or 3 ounces of food at a time.  That's what you will need to do when you get to know Ana very well.  Your tummy will shrink over time so that you will not be able to eat a whole apple at one sitting without being full to your ears.  The hard part is the journey to getting your tummy to that goal of not wanting anything more than a few sips.  Fasting helps, but it's only temporary and you usually wind up just binging afterwards and stretching yourself out again.

TIPS:

fasting is a very precise thing, and it varies from each person.  Some may be able to fast for 2 weeks straight and not bing afterwards.  Some can accomplish the "I'm not hungry" feeling in 3 or 4 days.  Some people, like fat-ass me, may do good for 1 or 2 days and then blow it cause she gets too hungry.  The trick is to find out which day amount works for you.  Don't be afraid to experiment.  What works for me will not work for everyone.  And so far, what's been working for everyone else is not shaving the fat off my thighs, lol.

It's Monday again and I'm starving.  To top things off, my 4 year old is screaming she's hungry.  So now I got to go make PB&Js for them and it's just gonna make me hungrier.  How on earth am I suppose to lose weight if I'm always having to cook and be around food????  I am SOOOOO WEAK I just want to go drown myself in the toilet!!!!!